You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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