when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
