So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
