So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
