That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
