I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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