And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
