No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
