Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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