Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
