so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
