drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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