It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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