Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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