these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
