Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
