The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
