Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
