ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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