I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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