We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
cat food counts as protein by the way
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
