Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
