My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
