There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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