I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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