Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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