So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
