I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
