Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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