you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Randomize
