It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
