had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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