Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
