dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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