i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
