I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
