so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
you will always have a special place in my vag
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
How does it feel to date your dad?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
