I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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