If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
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