Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I just found a bag of teeth...
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
