Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
