I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
