Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
