Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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