READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
