never play flip cup with pint glasses
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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