I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
