The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
