this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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