I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
