Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
