I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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