was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
