Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
She said her name was "party"
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
