my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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