Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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