After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize