life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Randomize
