FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Vodka?
Forever.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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