You're so nebulous sometimes
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
