So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
