my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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