I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Randomize
