I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize