Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
