I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
if only i could text you this smell
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
