she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize