This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I am never drinking with the goths again.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
