Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Randomize
