Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
